“I am in pain, I am grieving, every day is a struggle for me,” Saheefa Jabbar Khattak

Saheefa Jabbar Khattak, who is seen on and off social media and TV projects, took to Instagram to share her deep struggles with her mental health. In a raw and vulnerable expression, she opened up about the difficulties she faces in accepting her current state, unveiling the pain and grief that have consumed her.

“Yes, I have not been myself lately which is very difficult for me to accept here. I may or may not know what has exactly happened but it is definitely something I cannot talk about without crying my lungs out. I am in pain, I am grieving, every day is a struggle for me. Yes, I am hopeless. Yes, I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel. It is all dark and gloomy for me. Yes, every day I wish death upon myself,” she wrote on her Instagram stories.

She also went on to describe how the last two months have been for her. “In the past 60 days there has not been a single day when I haven’t cried or simply questioned everything. In the process of this pain and grief, I have lost 12 kg. It has been simply impossible for me to eat and I have kept myself heavily sedated so I could sleep off the pain. My family has been constantly trying to help me with it but I guess it is my battle to fight (alone) and I have to fight my demons myself. No one can come and take away my pain for me.”

She continued to express her struggles and almost-suicidal ideations that have clouded her mind recently. “I was just telling a friend (over a voice note) that I have been leaving small hints behind to let the world know (if in the process I take my life away), [the] world needs to become a kinder place. I see no empathy and it kills me how everything has become a medium to mint money one way or another. Also, everyone must be thinking I have everything (material), what in the world can bring her pain or distress? I tell you what, I am typing all of this from a very fancy hotel in Dubai while laying on a very comfortable bed and I am still in unexplainable pain,” she continued.

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Acknowledging the prevalent lack of empathy in society, Saheefa emphasized that material possessions alone do not guarantee happiness. Instead, she underscored the significance of nurturing the soul with love, empathy, and self-care. While she acknowledged her personal struggle, she also expressed gratitude for the support she has received, particularly from her husband.

“I want everyone to know who is reading this, having a nice car or a house or being able to afford anything or everything can not always assure you happiness. It might bring you ease but your true home is your soul and the soul needs its very own kind of food. Our soul doesn’t need money, fame or a sexy car. Our soul needs love, empathy and being taken well care of. I don’t know what the future holds and obviously, I haven’t seen the afterlife either but my belief tells me whatever there is, is in the present and in my present I want to be happy, content and feel fulfilled,” she wrote.

“I want to be healed. Note to self: Stay put Saheefa, You are way too precious to give up on your life. This too shall pass. (Like always),” she added.

Concluding her note, she thanked everyone for the support and shared how much it meant to her. “To everyone out there, who were wishing me recovery, who were/are worried for me, sent me [direct messages] (I have read them ALL). People like you are making this world a livable place. I deeply appreciate each and every one of you for pouring in your Love. Please keep me and my family in your prayers, I have been giving some really tough time to my family lately which I just wouldn’t want at all,” she said.

In the end, she added a special mention for her husband for supporting her. “And a very public shoutout to my husband, I just don’t know how is he dealing with all of this alone while living miles away. Seeing [the] love of your life struggling poorly each day kills you. I know you feel helpless and it is terrible and I understand that. Khizer, I don’t know what good I have done in my life to deserve a support system like you.”